The Week of Doing Nothing.

In case you don't get it, the title references a 1983 Mel Gibson movie called "The Year of Living Dangerously", set in 1965 Indonesia during the fall of President Sukarno.  The movie itself has absolutely nothing to do with this post, I just plagerized the title because I thought it sounded cool.  My title about the fact that I'm on vacation for a week in Florida and what I intend to do while I'm here.  Get it?  A week and doing nothing???  Ain't I smart?

As I write this, I'm sitting on the huge screened porch of the house my girlfriend's parents own. Here's the view:

 But, I haven't introduced my girlfriend to you, have I?  Since I haven't cleared using her name in this blog, I'm just going to call her Girlfriend (I stole that from another blog I read, Hyperbole and a Half.  Which is funny as hell.  Read it sometime).  She's smart, funny, hot and I haven't any idea how I wound up with her.  Anyway, earlier in the year, while it was cold and snowy and generally nasty outside, Girlfriend asked if I wanted to go to Florida during Spring Break while our respective children were otherwise occupied.  I couldn't say yes fast enough.  I've always wanted to go to Florida, and not for Disney and the other well-known touristy junk.  No, I want to see sugar-sand beaches, palm trees, mangrove swamps and all the other exotic things that exist in the U.S. only in Florida.  I include in that "exotic" catergory Florida's own peculiar style of touristy junk.  I'm talking about the more local variety.  The truly weird things that you only find here.  We'll see what I come up with.

Yesterday, we got up around 6 AM (ugh), packed up the car and headed out.  First stop was for breakfast at one of favorite places, the Cracker Barrel in Clayton NC.  Yeah, I know the store is full of junk that you find almost anywhere else at better prices.  But, that's not why I love it.  For me, it's the restaurant.  The food, especially breakfast, is so damn good.  Old fashioned country cooking.  And, unlike most places that do this style, not dumped out of a can and salted to the point it's almost mummified.  No, it's really seasoned the way your mama would do it.  If your mama's like mine, that is.  After a satisfying breakfast of ham, bacon, sausage, eggs, hashbrown casserole, grits and gravy, biscuits and fried apples, we were back on the road.  Yeah, I know that's a really big breakfast.  But, I needed the fuel, it's a long way from Knightdale to Florida.  Anyway, we were off.   I-40 to I-95 and straight on south.  The next stop of import came in Dillon SC.  That's right, South of the Border.  If you've ever driven I-95 in North or South Carolina, you've seen the billboards advertising it.  Saying stupid things like "Weather forecast: Hot today, Chili Tamale" or hawking various bits of absolute crap that children everywhere are totally convinced they can't live without.  If you aren't aware of this place, here's what you're missing:

Yes, it's just as tacky as it looks.  But, I have to say, it looks better than I remember.  I haven't even been by this place in at least 25 years.  And, you know what happens whenever you revisit places from your childhood.  They can never match the memory.  S.O.B. sure did, though.  When I was a kid, we passed by this joint a lot on the way to the beach.  And, my brother and I used to beg to stop because it looked so freakin' cool we couldn't stand it.  My parent's answer was always the same, "We're not stopping there.  They don't have anything but junk".   But, when you're a kid and your parents say stuff like that, it just makes you want it more.  Finally, my dad got fed up with the whining and stopped.  We were finally going to see all the magical stuff in the wonderworld called South of the Border and Brother and I were elated.  Until we actually saw it.  Mama was right, it was nothing but junk.  And, not parent junk, it was kid junk, too.  Shops filled with the sorriest crap imaginable.  Or fireworks, which were cool, but they wouldn't let us get any of that (which sucked).  A few crappy little rides, a sorry excuse for a miniature golf course and Mount Pedro.  Mount Pedro was a 30 foot high mound of dirt with some plants and a goat wandering it.  What a disappointment.   Another boyhood fantasy crushed.  

After seeing the sights at S.O.B., it was on the road again.  After numerous stops to pee (I've decided Girlfriend's bladder is the size of a BB), we finally crossed into Florida.  Want proof?  Here you go:

This is the welcome center at the FL/GA state line on I-95.  It's the only one I've ever been to where they have a counter serving fresh-squeezed orange juice.  That's one of those "peculiar" Florida things I was talking about.  No where else will you find that.  Now, it was around was getting late in the day and we'd left home at 7:30 in the morning.  I was ready to be where I was going, and we were looking at another 5 hours before that was gonna happen.  It was a little disheartening, but then I realized Hey, I'm in Florida and I've never been here before!  Re-energized, we took off again.  The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful.  Except for the billboards advising us that a couple of small towns on U.S. 301 were speed traps.  I'm not kidding, we were riding along and, all of sudden, there's a big black sign that says "Lawtey: Speed Trap" in great, big yellow letters.  Down the road a bit, there was another but I can't remember the name of the town.  I hope there are similar signs on the north bound side.  The last thing I want is to get a ticket in some crooked little Florida cracker town. 

We finally arrived about 8:30 PM and unloaded.  The house is magnificent and in a neighborhood I could only dream of living in.  Although, we did drive through some less-than-nice parts of Holiday (where we're at.  Just north of Tampa) to get here.  After unloading, I realized I didn't have some toiletry items and I was starving.  Girlfriend was so tired she just wanted a shower and the bed, so I left her to it and wandered out into the night on my quest.  I found the items needed with any trouble and then began to look for something to eat.  After waiting that long for dinner, I knew McDonald's or any other fast-food chain wouldn't make the grade, so I kept looking until I found Gyro King.  I love Mediterrean food and gyro's are the bomb.  But, they also had 1/2 lb char-grilled cheeseburgers and that was it.  A few minutes later, I was sitting in the living room with Girlfriend watching British comedies on PBS and eating the best burger I've had in a long time.  I don't know if it was really that good, I was that hungry or both.  I'm betting on both. 

Well, that's the end of Day one's story.  We survived 13 hours in the car together without a fight or ovelry irritating each other.  That's a good omen for the rest of the week, I think.  We'll see.  Tune in tomorrow, same Bat time, same Bat channel for more in the continuing saga of The Week of Doing Nothing!