Eat that? Why don't you bite me!

I don't know about you, but nutritionists piss me off. They're always going on about bad food choices, yet the alternatives they offer suck. Case in point, Eat This, Not That has an article titled "The 20 Worst Foods In America". In it they have the nerve to slander some of the most tasty dishes one could imagine by listing nutritional information. How dare they offer facts and science when I'm ordering a meal! Seriously, I don't really care that a Colorado Omelette at IHOP is a calorie bomb. And, telling me I should eat a Garden Scramble For Me instead is just asinine. If this is what I want:

This is not an option:

That's not all. According to these nimrods, we should replace a huge, honkin' stack of French toast and bacon with a spinach, tomato, and mushroom omelette. Seriously, spinach? I've eaten spinach once in my life. When I was kid, I tried some because it's what gave Popeye his strength (yes, I'm that old). You'll notice I said I've eaten it once. That was all it took, because it was vile. And, don't give me that crap about 'it's all in the way it's cooked.' Everybody always says that, and, with rare exceptions, it's always crap. A turd is a still turd, no matter how you prepare it.

I will agree with them on one thing, though. The Domino's Chicken Carbonara Bread Bowl Pasta is a nutritional abomination. Another calorie bomb, this thing has almost 2300 mg of sodium and 188 grams of carbohydrates. Being diabetic, that last one is important to me. But, for all its faults, at least it's tasty. Their alternative is something that's always grossed me out. Ham and pineapple pizza. Let's get something straight: freakin' pineapple has absolutely NO place on a pizza. An upside down cake, yes. But, not on a pizza. It sounds like one of the nasty combinations my ex-wife used to conjure up on the rare occasions when she ventured into the kitchen. I'm sure, however, that Domino's execution is far superior to hers. They also mention P. F. Chang's in the article, but I can't bring myself to eat there since watching the "More Crap" episode of South Park. I'm not going to explain that, you'll just have to watch the show to see what I mean.


The Cheesecake Factory seems to come in for the most abuse here. Evidently, many of their entrees are loaded with calories, saturated fat, sodium, and all manner of yucky-bad-for-you stuff. But, and this is a big but, everyone is always telling me how great the Cheesecake Factory is. Which tells me something I already knew. While nutritionists may be experts on what's good for you, they don't know diddly about what's good to you.